Love · Life

all fabric unravels at some point.

:/

hopefully these old threads can be part of the new tapestry though...

they're right when they say "be patient.. if it's meant to be, it will be."

:D

i knew we were meant for each other.

18

wooo!

i can't wait until i'm a Mrs.

he is my soulmate.
that's why it's so hard.

i never realized how hard and confusing breaking up with someone could be...

and i feel sorry for him because this is so easy for me. i don't have any reason to not be with him.
but he's probably just so conflicted in his heart..

anyway.. enough of sad talk..

I BOUGHT A CAR YESTERDAY!!!!

wooo hoo!!!

it's a 2003 Honda Civic.. [i've named her Sally]
she's champagne colored and has beautiful black rims
completely tinted out too. :]]]
5 speed, 102k. super clean and shifts like butter.
:]

he lied.

we're not going to be friends.
in fact.. we're probably never going to speak again.

he lied...

and i don't even feel anything right now..

the worst fights are the ones that we have to have with ourselves.

:/

i think my spirit was born into the wrong body.

i constantly feel like i'm losing time. that my life is slipping away and that i'm so much older than i actually am.

i don't even know how to elaborate.
it's scary though.

this is the worst pain in the world.

i'm so tired of crying and not being able to sleep through the night.

it doesn't even make sensefor this to be happening.

but i guess no one ever REALLY gets what they want.

and if you love someone, aren't you supposed to set them free?

this is so hard :[

ACK!!!
i haven't updated this in way too long!i haven't forgotten about it..
just been too busy.
i read your posts though!!!

[will update soon]

:D

nuff said.

i am SO

insecure...
:/

blah
fuck guys.

i'm way too picky.

oh well..
i'll either end up alone.
or with someone spectacularly perfect.

;]

i'm really really irritated right now.

i think i'm being played.. and that sucks.

i am a little nuts.

more detailed update tomorrow when i get home..
the nyquil's kicking in :/

i'm watching Tin Man..
that sci fi mini series thing..
it's pretty good :]

i'm craving chocolate :]
dark chocolate.

and yes. that's an innuendo.

amberly thinks that it's hilarious that i'm into a black guy.
she also thinks it's really surprising that i'm really sexual and kinky deep down
hahahahaha
you should have heard her at her sister's last night.
i was just sitting there eating and she goes,
"what kind of guys do you think this girl is into?"
and i'm wearing my white pumps and red sweater and my nice coat
and her sister looked at me and was just like
"preppy, nice, rich boys"
and amber was like..
"this bitch likes the black ones! she's so naughty under all of this"

hahahahahahahaa
oh lord.
i just can't believe that she thinks of me as this like. out of control sexual... thing.

i'm just trying to get mine.
that's all
:]

my crushes are all over the place.
and they never turn into anything.
so this time.
i'm letting out my inner kink
and all of my dirtiest thoughts.
as stupid as that sounds
but i'm SO comfortable about it.

there's this new guy at my work.
he's sooooo hot.
he's the color of hershey's special dark bar mixed with vanilla :]
we've been texting this past week
and i've been workin my game sooo tough
it's paying off.
he wants me
and i don't even feel shy around him in person after all the blunt and forward things i've said to him.
:]

we'll see...

i think it's time for a real entry into this thing..
i haven't taken the time and actually done this in a while.

i've been working a TON, which is paying off. [pun completely intended]
i put in 93.69 hours on my last paycheck. which is 829.41 dollars before taxes. AFTER taxes is an entirely different story.. they took out 141!!! just in taxes.. lame!
my check was still pretty nice though.. $687.69.
i'm going to put 400 in savings i think.. maybe more.. but i need to buy some stuff to make a chocolate creme pie for thanksgiving. and i also need to buy cat litter. and i want some apple juice really bad!.. plus i need smokes and all that jazz.

last week i had 2.32 hours OT. and this week i hope to have some more.. not much though because thanksgiving robs me of 8 hours since we're closed. and i have to have saturday off because it's Bernardo's wedding day and there's no way i'm missing a mexican wedding/party!!!
hahahaha
plus i promised him i'd go and i'm really excited.
i did however, come in at 11 this morning because amber quit with no notice. so that's an extra hour. plus i stayed until 6.30 making arby q's then i got another half hour because right as we're about to leave, they're SLAMMED so i had to jump on slicer and help cameron make about 40 sandwiches.
tomorrow i work 12-8, and most of it is going to be spent shadowing the new guy.. woo-freaking-hoo. i really don't think he's going to be good on front counter. he's quite. and doesn't ask the 4 essentials without a lot of goading. [just the sandwich or the combo? curly or homestyle fries? crispy chicken or grilled chicken? for here ot to go?]
he's nice though and kind of easy on the eyes.
hopefully i don't have to correct him every 5 seconds though because along with helping/teaching him, i have to run the orders for front counter and possibly drive-thru too, since there's no amber to run for herself. hopefully it's joe on headset and HOPEFULLY he has a window person, or i'm DEFINITELY going to be running for both.

but that's enough about work.
...
i'm sick of ALWAYS getting my ass handed to me on a platter when it comes to guys.
either 'it just happened' or 'i'm not ready' or 'i'm not interested' or 'there's someone else'
i never even get a chance, it seems like. i'm always one step behind or i'm going 5 speeds too fast.
my mom thinks it's because i scare younger guys. because i exude confidence or whatever.. but it's not like i have ANY sort of guy acting interested.. not even the mature ones that could possibly handle a real relationship.
it's just frustrating to not have anyone show any sort of interest in the past... 10 months. longer than that even, since the last time was while everyone involved was completely inebriated.
it's pretty sad that i'm only 17 and already i'm afraid of turning into the 'cat lady.'

i just don't know how to put myself out there, ya know?
i wish sometimes, that i could fast forward through this part of my life and get to the good stuff. where i'm finished putting myself through school, i've got my job, and a fabulous condo with a great husband, and maybe even a kid.

none of what i'm doing right now seems like it's going to lead me to the general idea of what i have for my future. i most certainly don't want to be stuck at arby's roast beef restaurants for the rest of my life. that's just not how i foresee things happening.